I'm back.

I'm back.

Got back, and slept thru the afternoon. I had no idea I was that tired until I got into the Pg-S'pore plane and fell asleep moments after the plane was as high as it's supposed to be. I normally don't fall asleep when I get to see the whole of Penang because really, how often do you get to see that awesome little island from up high? I slept right through that flight and woke up just for the snack that was served. Then, got onto the S'pore-Sydney with plans of watching a few movies. But was so tired, I watched only one and slept for the rest of the journey, waking up for meals and leg stretching only. And, I was fast asleep even when the plane was landing only to realised I've landed when it felt bumpy. 

Surprise, surprise, I did not cry at the airport, much to my surprise. I think I was too tired I didn't think of anything when I hugged everyone. And funny how, last year, somewhere around June-July when I was thinking of the day I have to leave Penang again in Feb'09, I already teared and actually cried. LOL I tried to think so I could cry when I was on the plane but I failed. I supposed, I was feeling quite optimistic then? But I'm reminded of how much I cried when mum left for Penang in May '08 when she came, and that's probably how she's feeling when she was at the airport and when she got home. Hmm.

Penang had been so much fun. I do miss everyone back home already. 

I had to go visit a doctor today because I discovered 7 dark red spots on my chin in the plane. And I told mum and she got all worried it might be shingles. So off I went, and the doctor suspected I may be hemorrhaging and he mentioned something along the lines of coagulation + platelets + yada yada yada [sorry I gave all my Biology knowledge back ever since er..3rd/4th December 2006] and so sent me for a blood test. This time, I saw 6 tubes of my blood. Hmm. Even if taking that amount of bloody isn't enough to make me feel sick, I think, the thought of it, makes me feel weak already. There goes my gym plan :). 

Then got back, and watched Princess Returning Pearl :). Shh, I don't think many people know of this yet. lol I love that series. hahaha. And then there was this part where the king fed the princess with some soup which is supposedly medicine. And I couldn't help but cry. 

I can't wait for the day when my parents will be in such close proximity to me, and at the same time, me not having to worry that I'd be leaving them soon, or they'd be leaving me. 

Oh, I'm starting again. lol

Anyhow, one advice mum gave before I left her last year. The one I've tried to avoid giving much thought to. The one I know will help me through the toughest of times and the one which will benefit all of you too. 

She said, "Never give yourself the luxury to indulge in self pity."

Alright then, I start work tomorrow and should sleep early. But before that, I need to pick what to wear. :)

Hmm.

- My B'day. (tick)
- KL Trip with parents. (tick)
- KL Trip with friends. (tick)
=> December. (tick)

:(

- Trip to Kota Bharu, Kelantan. (tick)
- Chinese New Year. (tick)
=> January. (tick)

sigh.

The little highlights of home are all ticked. I dare not think what I'd be doing this time next week.

Meanwhile, I've still got a couple of things to do before I go back.
1. Visit School.
2. Visit Disted again. (I didnt get to see Ah Huat the last time)
3. Char Siew Rice :)
4. Visit my Accounting teacher. I havent since before my Accounting paper for SPM. lol

And, I thought I'd find the answers I've been looking for this time I'm back (I'll talk about it some other time). While I've found most of them, there's still this bit that's left unknown. And I can't ask. Nor can I hint.

Yet, knowing the days are now numbered.

Hmm.

A Place Called Here.

Sometimes, people can go missing right before our very eyes. Sometimes, people discover you, even though they've been looking at you the entire time. Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we're not paying enough attention. "Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we're not paying enough attention". 

That's an extract from the book 'A Place Called Here' by Cecilia Ahern. I JUST finished the book this morning after..approximately 2 months. It's not that it has a bad story line, or that I hated the way it's written, but I was just not that into it. It didn't have the force to keep me going. 

"Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we're not paying enough attention". This sentence keeps ringing in my mind. I don't know why, but it's like, I can't decipher it fully well. And my mind keeps repeating it like its some kind of mantra waiting for my brain to miraculously make more sense out of that phrase, more sense than I'm able to. But the much sense that I can make out of it is enough for me to like the sentence. Like how, we drift apart from our physical self when 'we're not paying enough attention'. 

Anyhow, about the book. I never intended for my blog to be where I'd write reviews about books or movies or tv series but I'm making Sex & the City and this one exceptions. The story tries to explain where 'lost' things go and I like the idea though it was rather unrealistic. In the story, when people, things, emotions and scents are lost, they all go this place called 'Here'. It didn't explain where exactly 'Here' is, but I assumed it was not on our map and it's like a 'magical place' in kiddy fairytales except it's NOT magical. It's like..where we live in now, but perhaps a little more backward. And the people that arrive there settle down, get married, have kids and die and so on. Just like us. 

But somehow, things can get lost from 'Here' too and that's when they get back to where we are. Not just things, even people can get lost from 'Here'. [You had to be extremely lucky to be lost from 'Here' because usually, that will not happen at all] I know it sounds bizarre. I thought it was too. lol But you know how, sometimes, you swear you put that hair pin on your dressing table and then you'd search high and low for it but it's not there. Then 2 days later, you find it on your study table? Yes, of course, you must have recalled by mistake. Or you must have used it once more and place it on your study table absent-mindedly. I know, logically that's an obviously better explanation. But I used to have a ring made by my friend when we were 8. And I'd wear it whenever I remember which usually happens in phases. Like I'd wear it for a week, removing it everytime I shower and putting it back on when I'm done. After that week, I'd forget all about it. Then after some time, I'd feel like wearing it again and start searching for it. Like everyone else, usually, when you make the effort to look for it, that thing just wouldn't be there. So I left it, for weeks and weeks. Then out of the blue, I'd find it, in the most obvious place. Ignoring how it'd miraculously appear in such an obvious place, I'd wear it for the few weeks again. And the cycle happens numerous times over a couple of years, until I was 14. And I didn't see it again. I don't remember being hyped up over losing it and my conscience tells me, I'd be if I did lose it, because it was a ring made by my best friend then. 

When I read the book, I thought of the ring and how, maybe it did land in 'Here'. And I wouldn't mind having it back again, if only it was one of the lucky things that found its way back.

Much like emotions, people and scents, they come and go like lost things. If only like in the book, we could choose what we want kept lost forever and what we'd like to restore from being lost. 

My habit.

I'm getting terribly used to this life already. Waking up in the morning, looking forward to a day out with friends. No worries. No problems except for curfews and friends calling me 'potong' because of my inevitable curfews. Contemplating between trying to somehow adjust back to life in Sydney or enjoying every bit of what's left here. I can't quite decide. 

Yes, it's quite funny I'm even contemplating on an attempt to 'somehow adjust back to life in Sydney'. But you see, a day after I arrive I start work. And while I was talking to a friend just then, the word 'Balance Sheet' kind of slipped off my mind already. For a moment, I wondered what a 'Balance Sheet' is for. Forgetting what Balance Sheets are for, is not at all cool. 

Thank goodness I made notes on stuff at work in my folder. Let's hope I made sufficient notes.

Anyhow, I haven't got around to think about much lately. Hence, the lack of any form of posts on my blog. But I found the previous one very inspiring, no? In fact, bloody inspiring, no?

__________

Besides going out, I've also made full use of having a piano. I play it almost every single day now. And I occasionally remind myself of how much I used to miss it back in Sydney and so with that in mind, I play longer every single time :). They say, as a pianist, your attitude towards the piano reflects on your habits and personality. The only example I can think of for myself is that, I generally don't like playing the same songs all the time. It's like, once I know how to play a song, I won't want to play it for a long time. And I'd prefer randomly picking up other songs, songs I've never heard before and just 'sight reading' them. Secondly, it's funny how the second time I play a song wouldn't be as nice as the first? By that I mean, after I've mastered a song. Like, after about 10 months of not playing, the very first time I played the songs when I got back, is still better than how I am playing the songs now. 

And that actually does reflect on my habits towards things in life. I do get sick of things pretty easily. When I like something, I'd use/play/do/eat/drink it until I get sick of it. Like how, I just realised, I get sick of games very easily, which my friends get annoyed at me for.  And come to think of it, I have always been. 

Old habits die hard, don't they?

Watch this.

Sex & the City.

I love sex and the city. Amongst the few American TV series I've been following, sex and the city is my favourite. I must admit, I don't watch all that many and the other few that I watch are Scrubs, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and Boston Legal. In my opinion, sex and the city is the only series that one could relate their lives to. I suppose if I've watched it in Penang, before I've had a taste of Sydney, I'd think it's an exaggeration, I'd think it's a portrayal of the kind of lives we want but will never get. I suppose living in Sydney and Sex and the city did blend quite well.

Why do I not think it's an exaggeration? While it's true, when I first started, I thought, they gave me a very bias view of relationships. All sex and nothing else. BUt that was just the start. And there were random 'hit-on' sessions with random people that I would also have thought was impossible. But I did see those in Sydney.

Like in Malaysia we have 'The Sun' supplied to readers for free. In Sydney, they have 'mX' which is also given out everyday at various spots around the city. 'mX' is much like 'The Sun' except, I think, nothing about the economy and a lot more on celebrity gossips. Anyhow, there is this section in 'mX' where anyone can post 'messages'. YOu could dedicate to 'so and so' and whatever. But this section is always, always filled with messages by random people to random people like.."To that hot hunk who was on the north shore line train, I was the girl sitting opposite of you with the Gloria Jeans cup. Wanna have dinner some time?" or "Hey gorgeous who got off at Turramurra in the North shore line train, I was the guy who was standing next to u. Say hi the next time?"

Really, they actually do that. And on occasions, u see replies. No, I had a life, and didn't track down which was which reply. I know they were replies because they mentioned them explicitly in their 'messages'. But I was just shocked, people do actually meet random people in such a random way.

Anyhow, back to Sex and the city. The first time I had a glimpse of it was when I watched the movie. Yea, I started with the ending. lol It made me miss girl friends, a lot. And although I hated Samantha when I first started watching, by the end of Season 4, despite her promiscuity, I secretly wished I have a friend like her. A friend so supportive who would just show, say, and do what u need her to, at whatever time you need her to. And Samantha and Smith turned out to also be my favourite couple, maybe cause Smith was the only good looking hot hunk that ended up with one of the four. lol

Despite my craze for the series, I HATE the last episodes of season 6. I honestly do. Sorry for those who are still anticipating to actually finish the series, but it's bad. It was a happy ending but I hated how they put it back together. While I just, just said that sex and the city is the only series I think one could relate their lives to, they had to put in a 'fairytale-like' ending. They HAD to send Carrie all the way to Paris with Aleksandr and made up a fight, and they HAD to make Mr.Big realise that she's 'the one' while she's in Paris, and they HAD to make Mr. Big go all the way to Paris to get Carrie. And they HAD to show that cliche moment where Mr.Big and Carrie, both in a far away land, pass by each other by coincidence without realising that either was in such close proximity.

I think, it's quite an irony for someone who hasn't decided whether to believe in fairytales or not, to hate 'fairytale-like' stories. But then again, mummy says, fairytales never happens.

The First.

It's nice to have mum this close :). Albeit her quite busy schedule, I'm obviously her priority in these few weeks. We've been shopping, talking, eating and doing stuff I've been missing. I wish my vocabulary is better, but it's not, and so, all I can say about these wonderful moments spent with mum is that, 'It's been good'. 

And so, like I said, we've been talking bout randoms and about stuff girls do, and then she told me a story. A story about someone I know very well but I shan't disclose names or how I'm related or connected to that person. She told me that, this person, a guy, told her, that it is most difficult for a guy to let go of their first relationship. He dated his first back in school and after a couple of years, he went abroad to further his studies. Apparently, the girl vowed to wait for him, but she didn't. And when he got back, she was already with another. That was all many years ago now and he's also due to wed another girl soon. He seems happy with this girl he's about to settle down with, at least that's what everyone's been saying. But truth is, he still recalls and holds on to his first. 

I can't help but wonder, if guys were to hold on to their firsts, what happens to all their wives? Do they just go on with their lives and recalls those firsts, occasionally, wishing everything would turn out the way they want it to? If all guys go through that, wouldn't all women have to put up with these crap? 

Despite what his first did to him, he still feels that way, and still say what he said. While I've always thought, the notion of 'first love' was nothing more than pure bullshit, what he said really made me wondered, does the 'first' have such a huge impact on one, or is it just guys, or is it just him?